Top 10 Reasons Print Should Remain a Vital Part of the Marketing Mix

In a recent blog on Foliomag.com the founder of Next Step Publishing, David Mammano, provides an interesting insight in sharing his top ten reasons why print should remain a vital part of the marketing mix.

He states:-

1. Print is a lead-generation tool. Used correctly, print drives leads to the prospective funnel. Good print vehicles have a mechanism to deliver targeted leads to their advertisers. So at the very least, print is a unique and effective lead-generation tool.

2. You can pass along print, and it has longevity. Magazines get shared in businesses, households and among friends.

3. Readers are receptive to print. Fact: People remember effective print ads. Magazine ads have the second highest receptivity of any media, second only to TV.

4. Print drives users to other platforms. The Retail Advertising and Marketing Association says 47.2 per cent of shoppers are most likely to start an online search after viewing a magazine ad. Our research shows more than 75 per cent of nextSTEPmag.com users type in the URL directly - which they likely found in the magazine.

5. Print sways trendsetters. Those who influence other consumers are themselves influenced by print. This influence ranking, from a third party driven Next Step poll, shows magazines in first place at 61 per cent with in-store and TV trailing at 58 and 55 per cent.

6. Print travels. A magazine is your companion wherever you go: your favourite chair, your bed, an airplane - even the bathroom.

7. Print readers are focused. In this world of multi-taskers (texting, emailing and listening to iPod while watching TV), it's hard for advertisers to get noticed. But according to a Ball State University survey, magazines are the exclusive or primary medium 85 per cent of the time they are used by consumers.

8. Print makes introductions. Print is a great part host; it introduces readers to a brand, and familiarises customers when it comes time for keyword purchases.

9. Print offers incredible branding. Nothing makes a brand more recognised than a glossy ad. A well designed ad engages readers, and according to a recent third party driven Next Step poll, 55 per cent of teens say they pay a lot of attention to print ads.

10. Print provides differentiation. How many of the millions of web sites have a print magazine to drive online traffic to it? The vast minority. Print provides a unique strategy to drive traffic to online marketing.

Mammano sees his company as more than one dealing in print. He sees his company as a brand having a website, an online community, an online newsletter, a social media presence and a magazine published five times per year.

Thinking about a fake sunbed tan? DON'T !!!

It’s mid winter and if you are thinking about going to a solarium for a tan – don’t!

This advice comes from the Cancer Society which believes the risks are too great, especially if you are under 35 or have fair skin! Solaria, or sunbeds, significantly increase your risk of melanoma, especially if you start using them in your teens or twenties.

Last week the German parliament passed a law banning anyone under the age of 18 from going to solariums because of the risks of developing skin cancer. In the same week the UK Committee on Medical Aspects of Radiation in the Environment advised governments to: ban sunbed use by those under 18, require all sunbed operators and staff to be licenced and issue strict regulations governing the standard of equipment. They also recommended that sunbeds should have to carry "cigarette-style" health warnings, given their potential to cause suffering, early death and potential disfigurement from skin cancer surgery.

Closer to home NSW recently joined the States of Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia and Queensland in banning people under 18 and those who burn easily from using commercial tanning facilities. Other controls include requirements to provide clients with accurate information about the health risks associated with sunbeds and greater supervision by operators.

Dr Judith Galtry, the Cancer Society’s Skin Cancer Advisor, says “these moves are part of an international trend towards prohibiting the use of sunbeds by young people and those who burn easily. We know these individuals are at greater risk. The World Health Organisation’s Agency for Research on Cancer determined a 75 percent increased risk of melanoma for people who first used a sunbed before the age of 35.

Australian evidence goes further suggesting that using a sunbed under the age of 35 increases the risk by 98 percent and that restricting sunbed use has a demonstrable impact in preventing avoidable skin cancers and in cost-savings to government.”

In New Zealand there is only a voluntary guideline standard for solaria operators which prohibits the use of sunbeds by individuals younger than 18 years and individuals with fair skin.

Dr Galtry says “it is of concern that the New Zealand government appears less concerned that its Australian and European counterparts, despite our far higher melanoma rates. Industry selfregulation is clearly not working in New Zealand, as shown by consumer surveys in 2005 and 2006. Therefore, the Cancer Society is strengthening its call for Government controls on the solaria industry in New Zealand through requiring premises to become licensed and prohibiting people under 18 years and those with fair skin from using them.”

Dermatologist Professor Marius Rademaker says “sunbed use adds to the burden of the skin cancer we see every day and directly contributes to premature ageing of the skin.”

About the Australian / New Zealand Solaria Standard AS/NZS 2635:2008
Solaria for cosmetic purposes provides a basis for setting up and operating artificial tanning equipment, particularly in commercial establishments with solaria facilities. The revised standard aims to provide operators and users of artificial tanning equipment with procedures for reducing the risk associated with indoor tanning. It sets out requirements for the operation of solaria including recommending:

• Solaria use is restricted to people over the age of 18
• People with skin that always burns and never tans be discouraged from using solaria
• All operations shall be supervised
• The person supervising a solaria shall have undertaken appropriate training in the operation
and use of equipment and assessment of skin photo types
• Solaria operators provide skin type assessment and consent forms to clients to complete
• Protective eyewear should always be worn
• No claims are made of non-cosmetic health benefits or that solaria use is safe
• Client records covering date, time of visit, skin type assessment and level of exposure shall
be kept for a minimum of two years.

True or false?

These two photos were apparently taken by one of the passengers in the aircraft, just after the collision and before the aircraft crashed. The photos were retrieved from the camera's memory stick. You will never get to see photos like this. In the second photo, there is a gaping hole in the fuselage through which you can see the tailplane and vertical fin of the aircraft. In the first photo, one of the passengers is being sucked out of the gaping hole.


The photos were apparently found in a digital Casio Z750, amidst the remains in Serra do Cachimbo. Although the camera was destroyed, the Memory Stick was recovered. Investigating the serial number of the camera, the owner was identified as Paulo G. Muller, an actor of a theatre for children known in the outskirts of Porto Alegre . It can be imagined that he was standing during the turbulence, he managed to take these photos, just seconds after the tail loss, the aircraft plunged. So the camera was found near the cockpit. The structural stress probably ripped the engines away, diminishing the falling speed, protecting the electronic equipment but not unfortunately the victims. Paulo Muller leaves behind two daughters, Bruna and Beatriz.

We're sorry ... (are we?)

This was a reply to an article, in the Mercury newspaper (last week), where the previously disadvantaged (Blacks) stated that it's not too late for the previously advantaged (including whites, Indians and Coloureds) to apologise for apartheid.


To the Previously Disadvantaged

We are sorry that our ancestors were intelligent, advanced and daring enough to explore the wild oceans to discover new countries and develop them.
We are sorry that those who came before us took you out of the bush and
taught you that there was more to life than beating drums, killing each
other and chasing animals with sticks and stones.

We are sorry that they planned, funded and developed roads, towns, mines, factories, airports and harbours, all of which you now claim to be your long deprived inheritance giving you every right to change and rename these at your discretion.

We are sorry that our parents taught us the value of small but strong families, to not breed like rabbits and end up as underfed, diseased, illiterate shack dwellers living in poverty.

We are sorry that when the evil apartheid government provided you with schools, you decided they'd look better without windows or in piles of ashes.

We happily gave up those bad days of getting spanked in our all white schools for doing something wrong and much prefer these days of freedom where problems can be resolved with knives and guns.

We are sorry that it is hard to shake off the bitterness of the past when you keep on raping, torturing and killing our friends and family members, and then hide behind the fence of 'human rights' with smiles on your faces.

We are sorry that we do not trust the government. We have no reason to be so suspicious because none of these poor hard working intellectuals have ever been involved in any form of corruption or 'irregularities'.

We are sorry that we do not trust the police force and, even though they have openly admitted that they have lost the war against crime and criminals we should not be negative and just ignore their corruption and carry on hoping for the best.

We are sorry that it is more important to you to have players of colour in our national teams than winning games and promoting patriotism. We know that sponsorship doesn't depend on a team's success.

We are sorry that our border posts have been flung open and now left you competing for jobs against illegal immigrants from our beautiful neighbouring countries. All of them countries that have grown into economic powerhouses after kicking out the 'settlers'.

We are sorry that we don't believe in witchcraft, beetroot and garlic cures, urinating on street corners, virginity testing, slaughtering of bulls in our back yards, trading women for cattle and other barbaric practices.

Maybe we just grew up differently.

We are sorry that your medical care, water supplies, roads, railways and
electricity supplies are going down the toilet because skilled people who could have planned for and resolved these issues had to be thrown away because they were of the wrong ethnic background and now have to work in foreign countries where their skills are more needed.

We are so sorry that we'd like this country to fulfil its potential so we can once again be proud South Africans.

'The Previously Advantaged'

Sick of lies and BS ....!

As a publisher, I pride myself on integrity ...

Integrity in which I publish, integrity in articles I personally write, integrity in my dealings with advertisers.

Today I had something relayed to me which horrified me. I was quoted distribution and readership figures of a magazine I know very well by a potential advertiser.

To say that the figures had been inflated beyond believe is an understatement!

I know for a fact that the magazine in question prints less than 6,000 copies every quarter. Yet, this publisher is out there telling potential advertisers that they have a readership of nearly half a million per issue ... read my lips .... read these words .. half a bloody million!!!

Rupert Murdoch ... eat your heart out!

What a crock of bull. To say that each magazine is read something like 83.33 times is akin to fantasy.

Yet, this particular publisher's advertising reps are sprouting this crap and it's being swallowed.

Then publishers like myself, who report honest to God figures, suffer ... I mean honestly, who'd want to advertise in my publications that have an average readership of only 12-15 per copy when they can get 83.33 with my competition???

So, now the big question is ... what to do about it?
This publisher is a member of the MPA ... do I complain to them?
Do I tell the advertisers in question what I know and how they're being conned?
Do I confront the publisher in question, who happens to be a personal friend?

mmmmm ... time to do some serious pondering, methinks, but something has to change!

Fighting crime in South Africa

A shop owner in Brakpan , South Africa , was tired of people breaking into his yard/shop, so he came up with the idea of shaving his dog like a lion.

Now he has no problem with thugs!

Crisis hits Australia - LOL

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.

'Kevin, it's the Health Minister here.Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Sydney has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week'!

PM: 'S....! - the economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!'

Health Minister: 'We're going to have to ship some in from Britain ?'

PM: 'No chance! The Poms will have a field day on this one!!'

Health Minister: 'What about New Zealand ?'

PM: 'Ok, you call John Key - tell him we need ten million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick! That way they'll continue to respect the Wallabies!'

Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes.

He finds ten million condoms;10 inches long; 3 inches thick, all coloured black and white, with a silver fern printed on each one and embossed with


MADE IN NEW ZEALAND
SIZE: Small

International Rules of Manliness

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible.

02: It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
1.. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
2.. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
3.. After wrecking your boss' car.
4.. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
5.. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

1.. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
2.. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
3.. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics, Ever.

Pants vs Panties

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'

Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'

Mike did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

You know you've got swine flu when ....

This was NOT in my travel brochure .... !!!

Swine flu :: are the media over-reacting??

What is generation Y?

For those of you who weren't aware of the fact that our current generation of school-going children are "Generation Y".....


- The Silent generation, people born before 1946.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.

- Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.

- Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 2009

Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently ...Learned something new today!

Pete the Kiwi builder.....

Pete the Kiwi builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said, 'I want this room to be painted a light blue.'
The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.
The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.
The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him 'I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for?'
The builder said, 'Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Aussie's laying the turf out front.'

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Definition of ad agency?

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
-Fred Allen

Note: 20% commission in New Zealand, so only 80% confusion - lol

GOD SAID DON'T

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN) AND GREAT GRAND CHILDREN

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces,nephews,or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was' DON'T!'

'Don't what?' Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit,' God said.

'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!'

' No Way!'

'Yes way!'

'Do NOT eat the fruit!' said God.

'Why?'

'Because I am your Father and I said so!' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?' God asked.

'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you?' said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.

'She started it!' Adam said.

'Did not!'

'Did too!'

'DID NOT!'

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact,they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

Travelling overseas? Consider these alerts

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And at a local level...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

Little Child's Prayer!

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."

Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

And we all know who gave it to him...

LOL - sorry, but it got your attention!!

Sheer co-incidence???

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence, but....read on......


2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts
of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian
racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of
pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It gets worse........


next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Mothers' Day quotes and funnies

Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother–she looks like my father.
- Tony Randall

The child had his mother’s eyes, his mother’s nose, and his mother’s mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
- Robert Benchley

Mothers mold the children’s minds. Some of you have done well. There are a lot of moldy-minded kids around.
- Norm Crosby

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck

You know you have become a mother when....

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth even though your children are at school!

You start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!

Paradox of our time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

How to take out a bridge with a soccer ball !!!

Read the newspaper clipping through:

Then see the resulting chaos:

Handy info for cricket fans:

The first "Testicular Guard" was used in cricket in 1874.

The first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realise that the brain is also important!

Boy in the closet...

A wife takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes home early, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.. Unexpectedly, the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is already in there.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That 's nice.'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250.'

Weeks later, it happens that the boy and the lover find themselves in the closet again.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy: '$750.'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

The boy says '$1,000.'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to rip off your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession'.

In church, the Dad makes sure the boy goes in to the confessional and closes the door.. The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'

Confessions of a Hooker

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says

‘Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.’

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,

‘My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit ?’

She said......

‘No, I don't think you understand - my name was Brian and I played rugby for the All Blacks...’

THE TAXMAN COMETH

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi.. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi...............
'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'

Beaches too sandy, fish scare the kids: it's a Fawlty Towers world for some tourists

Damn those wide sandy beaches and oceans full of fish. And let's not get started on the consistency of gravy.
Honestly, it's enough to ruin a perfectly pleasant holiday, according to a list of recent complaints by not‐sointrepid
British tourists.
Consider this "it's all your fault" rant by a woman who returned to Britain with an unexpected holiday
souvenir: "My fiancé and I booked a twin‐bedded room, but we were placed in a double‐bedded room. We
now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant."
Her complaint and scores like it, compiled by the Association of British Travel Agents and Thomas Cook, have
done nothing to dispel the whingeing Pom cliché.
In one case, a British guest at a Novotel hotel in Australia made a fuss about his soup being too thick and
strong. He had been supping from the gravy boat.
Another culinary challenged traveller grumbled that "on my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that
almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
Other British tourists found their holidays were spoiled because "the beach was too sandy" and "no one told
us there would be fish in the sea; the children were startled".
One disgruntled wife declared that topless sunbathing should be banned because her "holiday was ruined as
my husband spent all day looking at other women".
A selection of complaints from travellers from the UK
* We bought Ray‐Ban sunglasses for five euros ($9) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.
* The brochure stated: "No hairdressers at the accommodation." We're trainee hairdressers — will we be OK
staying here?
* There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many
foreigners.
* We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was
white.
* We had to queue outside with no air‐conditioning.
* I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard
creams or ginger nuts.
* It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during "siesta" time
— this should be banned.
* I was bitten by a mosquito — no one said they could bite.
* We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and
towels.

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.


So the Minister asked the congregation -
What did you learn from this demonstration???
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service !

CONVERSATION WITH A LITTLE BOY ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little boy on the
airplane when the stranger turned to him and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little boy, who had just opened his book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about
nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' he said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little boy's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.'

To which the little boy replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
shit?'

How Tequilla Works

Queenstown’s premier villas release superb winter deals

New luxury five-star accommodation Commonage Villas, overlooking the vibrant resort town of Queenstown, has released a number of glorious winter packages with savings of up to 34%.

Visitors can choose from one of 12 award-winning and spacious three-bedroom villas set in a prime location, each boasting panoramic views of Queenstown, snow-capped mountains and the glacial waters of Lake Wakatipu.

The alpine-style villas have been designed to provide all the comforts of a luxury private home, with services and luxuries similar to an exclusive lodge, delivered with distinctive New Zealand flair.

Families (two adults and up to three children) can save NZ$3,750 for a week-long Commonage Villas ski package that includes seven nights’ accommodation in a private three-bed villa, a helicopter flight for the whole family to the top of the spectacular Remarkables mountain range, and three full day ski passes for the whole family for Coronet Peak or The Remarkables ski fields, so everyone can ski to their heart’s content.

For couples, there’s a similar value-added package, especially if three couples decide to share, where the price comes down to NZ$3,000 per couple for seven nights, helicopter flight and three day ski passes for two.

Non-skiing couples can spend seven nights in a private villa and pay only for five, saving 30%.

For spa lovers, the Commonage Villas Spa Indulgence package gives you five nights in a private villa with sweeping views of the lake and surrounding mountains. You will be treated to an indulgent couples’ spa experience -- the decadent 180 minute spa treatment includes a private treatment room, complete with a bath big enough for two.

Golfers can stay at Commonage Villas with their five nights’ golf package and be treated like a ‘pro’, with green fees included for a round of golf per couple at three of the region’s leading courses -- Millbrook, Kelvin Heights and Jacks Point.

For further information or bookings visit www.commonagevillas.com

BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS, ALCOHOROSCOPES EXPLAINS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK!!

ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe... Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get 'tired and emotional' (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do... The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one that rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, 'I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight.' A toast to the sub genius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style 'I'm jusht a social drinker,' slurs Libra, 'it's jusht that I'm so damn social?' Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to 'on') or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the room or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist). Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality with: Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only pot can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase 'addictive personality' can be read two ways, you know..

FAECES Drinking style If you’re a piece of faeces, please refrain from drinking too much as the alcohol thins out your faeces to a liquid format...

Ageless? .... Pricless!

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front
step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help
but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice
big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every
week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and
don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.

Weather Channel Founder Wants To Sue Al Gore For Global Warming Fraud

By now most people are aware that the founder of The Weather Channel, John Coleman, said global warming is "the greatest scam in history" last November.

On Monday, while speaking at the 2008 International Conference on Climate Change being held in New York City, Coleman took his criticisms further by advocating that all those involved in the sale and marketing of carbon credits, including Al Gore, should be sued "to finally put some light on the fraud of global warming.”

As reported over at the Business & Media Institute by my colleague Jeff Poor Coleman also told the audience his strategy for exposing what he called “the fraud of global warming.” He advocated suing those who sell carbon credits, which would force global warming alarmists to give a more honest account of the policies they propose.

“[I] have a feeling this is the opening,” Coleman said. “If the lawyers will take the case – sue the people who sell carbon credits. That includes Al Gore. That lawsuit would get so much publicity, so much media attention. And as the experts went to the [witness] stand to testify, I feel like that could become the vehicle to finally put some light on the fraud of global warming.”

How delicious. Of course, for those that are interested, Nobel Laureate Gore was invited to speak at this conference -- was even offered his normal fee to attend! -- but refused. As reported Monday by Anthony Watts, one of the conference speakers (emphasis added): I was surprised to learn that Al Gore had been offered an opportunity to address this conference, and his usual $200,000 speaking fee and expenses were met, but that he declined.

I also know that invitations went out to NASA GISS principal scientists Dr. James Hansen, and Dr. Gavin Schmidt weeks ago as evidenced by their writeup of the issue on their blog, RealClimate.org a week or so ago.

They have declined the formal invitation sent, even though it would be easy for them to attend, given that NASA GISS is located just a few blocks away at Columbia University. Since recent polls indicate that about 50% of Americans remain unconvinced that global warming is a serious issue, it would seem this would be a perfect place for Mr. Gore, Dr. James Hansen, and Dr. Gavin Schmidt to bridge the crevasse.

Exactly, Anthony. Sadly, these folks don't want to speak to the half of the nation not buying into their junk science, for it is so easily exposed as such, and that would bring an end to the fraud.

Of course, one has to wonder how all those that do believe in this myth feel about the fact that the leaders of their cause not only refuse to debate the issue, but won't even attend a conference dealing with it.

Regardless, Coleman on Monday also pointed his finger at The Weather Channel:
"The Weather Channel had great promise, and that’s all gone now because they’ve made every mistake in the book on what they’ve done and how they’ve done it and it’s very sad,” Coleman said. “It’s now for sale and there’s a new owner of The Weather Channel will be announced – several billion dollars having changed hands in the near future. Let’s hope the new owners can recapture the vision and stop reporting the traffic, telling us what to think and start giving us useful weather information.”
We at NewsBusters share your hopes, John.

—Noel Sheppard is the Associate Editor of NewsBusters.

First Iberian Appearance For New Sunseeker Predator 84

Sunseeker is taking its all-new Predator 84 to be a floating guest of honour at the inaugural Gibraltar International Boat Show - its first public outing on the Iberian Peninsula. Officially launched at the Southampton International Boat Show in September of last year, the Sunseeker Predator 84 is a true performance motoryacht with head-turning good looks and will undoubtedly leave a lasting impression on the event.

Dominic Byrne, Managing Director of Sunseeker Costa del Sol, comments, “The Predator 84 is an impressive addition to the Sunseeker range. The craft offers three decks of leisure and living space, en-suite accommodation for up to eight guests plus three crew and, the ultimate luxury for a boat – an abundance of space. We’re delighted to be able to show the Predator 84 off this Easter in Gibraltar where visitors will be able to truly appreciate its scale and technical quality.”

Nudging 26 metres, the Predator 84 has a no-compromise design from top down and offers a much-demanded optional sports flybridge with second helm for those who crave a wind-in-the-hair driving experience. Deceptively spacious, the bright interior is trimmed with glass and lacquer finishes which compliment the black gloss American walnut. Following typical Predator styling, the lower deck guest accommodation - two twins and two doubles - is accessed by a central lobby and all enjoy natural light from curved ports. The imposing full-beam owners’ stateroom has a walk-in wardrobe, study and breakfasting area plus domestic-sized bathroom with wet room shower.

As expected from a Sunseeker performance motoryacht the speed lover will not be disappointed. When fitted with the top engine option, the Twin Arneson Surface Drive, exhilarating speeds of up to 42 knots are reachable. Meanwhile, at an economical cruising speed of 30 knots, the Predator 84 has a range of up to 300 nautical miles.

www.sunseeker.net.au

New Orleans Crabs

A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a
blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and
promised to put it into the crew's refrigerator. He pointedly advised her
that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen,
mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant to her about what would
happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was most annoyed by his
behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she got on the intercom to announce to the
entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans
please raise your hand."

Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them herself.

don't get mad ... get even

it won't work on here - sorry!!!

New Charity to Help Abandoned Kiwi Dogs

A new charity initiative launched today (subs March 20) aims to help house, feed and care for the more than 11,000* dogs dumped by their Kiwi owners each year.



The Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust is part of a global programme established by Pedigree to help raise funds for desperate dogs in local communities.



A registered New Zealand charity, The Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust, will donate money raised to animal shelters like the RNZSPCA to help house the thousands of dogs who are abandoned by owners.


The Chief Executive Officer of the RNZSPCA Robyn Kippenberger, says the organisation is grateful for the much needed support.



“The sad fact is that in New Zealand we are producing way more puppies than we need. People can’t cope and resort to drowning them in rivers, putting them in dustbins and dumping them in cardboard boxes on beaches. People these days are as careless with their animals as they are with their children.”



Kippenberger says there are a great many more dogs abandoned by their owners that are picked up by local authority dog control personnel.



In areas where the council has no agreement with the RNZSPCA pound dogs are often put down after the statutory seven days and there is no clear measure of just how many are affected.



Kippenberger says her organisation does its best to provide a safe haven for unloved and unwanted dogs but limited resources mean that the dogs aren’t in the best environment for their development.



“We don’t have a lot of options but to keep them in their cages for most of the day. Really it’s like being in prison. They get some exercise time in the yard and then it’s back to their cage. They are intelligent and the longer they are in their cages the harder it is to re-home them.”



The animals adopted from the SPCA make fantastic pets because they are just so grateful to have a home and know what life is like on the other side, she says.



Kippenberger says any money received from the Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust, would be used to help fund an offsite “Adoption Bus”– a resource used in the United States to increase animal adoptions.



“One of the biggest barriers we face in Auckland adoptions in particular is encouraging would be adoptees to get to Mangere as it’s a long way out for a lot of people. We need to have a fully kitted-out bus that visits urban communities and allows people to meet the dogs closer to home.”



Kippenberger says statistics from the United States show that in places where the buses operate more than half of the animals go in offsite adoptions.


The Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust now in its fourth year internationally, has been heralded a global success with over $3m being raised in 2008 alone, and homes found for dogs in countries ranging from the UK to Australia, US, Canada and Mexico.



Pedigree’s Marketing Manager Oliver Downs says he’s saddened by the high numbers of dogs who are abandoned by their Kiwi owners.



“At Pedigree we believe every dog deserves love, good food and a good home. Our company mantra “we’re for dogs” is something we’re proud of. We hope The Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust can assist us to look after the animals we love. On top of helping drive donations for the RNZSPCA our ultimate goal is to also increase the number of adoptions taking place.”



Each time you buy a Pedigree product between 8th March and 30th May 2009, Pedigree will donate a portion of every sale to the Pedigree Adoption Drive Charitable Trust to help care for New Zealand’s unloved and unwanted dogs.



For more information visit www.pedigreeadoptiondrive.co.nz to find out how you can support this worthwhile cause by making a donation or adopting a dog of your own.

PR vs Advertising

I've just read a piece which I've cut and pasted below ... annoys the hell out of me!!

Whilst I realise the value of PR, it literally staggers me at just how much money is spent on this side of "marketing" rather than on advertising. I cannot tell you how many PR "freebies" come across my desk each and every week ... beautifully packaged and individually addressed. All in an attempt to get me to give them space in my magazines.

Being a publisher, I can tell you now that magazines, newspapers, websites and even television LIVE AND DIE ON ADVERTISING SPEND.

Now, let's look at the situation the PR spin doctors would have larger companies believe ... they want the money spent on PR. However, without advertising, media companies will fold, and without media companies publishing and broadcasting, there would be nowhere to place their PR!! See where I'm headed here?

I believe there is a place for good PR work - I just don't believe that companies should be spending more on PR than they do on advertising!

Come on guys - you want and need us to survive! And believe me, as much as I like a freebie as much as anyone else, there comes a time in every publisher and editor's life when they've had enough ... no matter how many perfumes or lipsticks or watches a company sends me, if they aren't regularly committing to paid advertising as well, there's no way in hell their product will gain valuable space in my titles!!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Study highlights PR's role in brand value
by David Blecken 10-Mar-09, 09:40

HONG KONG - Media exposure plays a quantifiable role in a brand's financial value, according to a study by PR consultancy Text 100.

Drawing on statistics presented in Interbrand’s top 100 Global Brands report, the research indicates that almost 30 per cent of a brand’s financial value is determined by the frequency with which it appears in the press.

It also claims that the effect of advertising investment can amount to just two per cent of the overall brand value of products with a high level of complexity, while public relations activities can make up 47 per cent of a brand’s value in industries more heavily researched by consumers prior to purchase.

“The more complex a product is, the more likely people are to trust earned, as opposed to paid, media,” said Rowan Benecke (pictured), Text’s regional consultancy director for Asia Pacific.

Benecke, along with the firm’s chief executive Aedhmar Haynes, acknowledged that the report was likely to face a degree of cynicism for highlighting the importance of public relations, having been compiled by a PR agency.

But he stated that the report’s use of the Pearson correlation coefficient added credibility to the findings, and noted that it signaled progress in the ability to calculate the impact of public relations on a brand’s share price.

The study assessed the statistical correlation between a brand’s media prominence in a composite of headline, lead paragraph and text citations in unpaid, independent media) and brand value across the world’s hundred most valuable brands.

Benecke added that the findings also reinforced the role of corporate communications in maintaining a strong brand.

“The study underscores the importance of managing and growing brand value with public relations,” Benecke said.

New Megane Renaultsport: 250hp Of Pure Pleasure

As the latest in a long line of Renault performance models, New Mégane Renaultsport 250 stands out through its exhilarating performance and handling. The fusion of its extra 25hp with unmistakable sporting coupé credentials and choice of two chassis settings (sport and Cup, the latter with a limited slip differential) is clear evidence that New Mégane Renaultsport has been honed to delight enthusiasts.

Coming after Mégane F1 Team R26 and Mégane R26.R, New Mégane Renaultsport 250 profits fully from Renault Sport Technologies' extensive experience when it comes to manufacturing performance models.

Powerful

New Mégane Renaultsport 250 is powered by a new-generation two-litre 16-valve turbocharged petrol engine which boasts maximum power of 250hp at 5,500rpm and peak torque of 340Nm from 3,000rpm. The sum of the different improvements made to this engine has produced a gain of 20hp and 40Nm over Mégane R26.R which itself emerged as the yardstick in the world of performance hatches. The Renaultsport engine's twin-scroll turbo is exceptionally responsive, particularly at lows revs, with 80 per cent of maximum torque available from 1,900rpm. Its wide power band makes it a genuine joy to drive in everyday use, and the pleasure remains undiminished all the way up to the rev-limiter whenever it is pushed a little harder. The engine of New Mégane Renaultsport 250 transmits its power through a six-speed manual gearbox.

Work has also gone into the acoustics of the Renaultsport engine to produce a tell-tale sporty note audible inside the cabin under acceleration.

Efficient

New Mégane Renaultsport 250 has inherited the same suspension arrangement as the current version. Thanks to an independent steering axis layout at the front, the suspension and steering functions have been separated to ensure a particularly high standard of handling allied with great traction.

Like the Renaultsport versions of the Clio and Twingo ranges, New Mégane Renaultsport is available with a choice of two chassis: the standard sport chassis or the Cup chassis, which comes with a limited slip differential for even greater traction.

The electric power steering features specific calibration and benefits from the latest improvements seen on New Mégane aimed at achieving greater precision and even more feedback from the road.
New Mégane Renaultsport 250 is equipped with ESP which is fully disconnectable in order to enable owners to enjoy their car's full potential on a circuit.

Provocative

New Mégane Renaultsport 250 benefits from undeniably sporty looks. The front bumper incorporates the LED daytime running lights, as well as the splitter which recalls the low-slung nose of the R28 Formula 1 car. The dynamic looks are further emphasised by extended wheel arches and sills, 18-inch alloy wheels, central exhaust tailpipe and rear diffuser.
The interior design, too, recalls the world of motor sport, from the extra lateral support for the seats, to the analogue rev-counter with visual and audible gearshift indicator, the aluminium pedals and the Renaultsport steering wheel complete with thumb grips. The Renaultsport signature is also visible inside the car: on the headrests, rev-counter and dashboard.

Renault Sport Technologies has combined its experience of motor sport with its longstanding production expertise to develop a comprehensive range of sporting cars. The hallmarks of Renaultsport models are their pedigree engines and efficient chassis which together deliver an undeniably high level of sports performance, as testified by the reputation forged by Mégane F1 Team R26 and Mégane R26.R which were voted 'Sporting Car of the Year' in France in 2007 and 2008 respectively.
New Mégane Renaultsport 250 goes on sale in the UK later this year.

The Lamborghini Murciélago

The Lamborghini Murciélago is one of the most extraordinary super sports cars of all time. Automobili Lamborghini has now expanded its model range with a new, exceptionally purist and even more extreme top model – the Murciélago LP 670-4 SuperVeloce is even more powerful, lighter and faster than the Murciélago LP 640.

With the output of the 6.5 liter V12 increased to 670 hp and a weight reduction of 100 kg (220 lbs), the Murciélago LP 670-4 SuperVeloce boasts a power-to-weight ratio of 2.3 kg (5.1 lbs) per hp. This catapults it from 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) in a breathtaking 3.2 seconds and powers it on to a top speed of around 342 km/h (212 mph). Distinctive design refinements ensure that each of this 350-unit limited edition series conveys its full potential from the very first glance.

With its outstanding performance, razor-sharp precision and exceptional high-speed stability, the Lamborghini Murciélago LP 670-4 SuperVeloce is the ultimate performance car for advanced sports car drivers. The super sports car has been extensively redesigned with a new front and rear, an innovative engine bonnet and a choice of two aerodynamic set-ups featuring either a small or large rear spoiler. The interior in Alcantara and carbon fiber provides a purist and minimalist approach.

Racist?

I don't normally sprout off about politics in the public arena, but this email attracted my attention today in light of the recent terrorist attacks, as well as the SA/Maori rugby fiasco .....

Proud to be White

Michael Richards makes his point.............
Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.

This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points...

Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.

And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman'... and that's OK.

But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink .. You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you... so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP. You have BET... If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists. If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives, we'd be racists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that??

A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships... You know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US. Yet if there were 'White colleges', that would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.

I am proud... But you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists??

BE PROUD TO BE WHITE? It's not a crime YET... but getting very close!

best ad of late !!

Where would you be?

Multitasking - not for men!

Why We Like The British - FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas
bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather
high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for
the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.' (The
Daily Telegraph)

2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van
because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle
and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The
Guardian)

3) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth
was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman
commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'. (TheTimes)

4) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and
asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he
didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just
blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

5) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the
audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was
sent each week to do her garden. H e was repatriated at the end of 1945,
she recalled. ' He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when
the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt
out ' Heil Hitler.'' (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made
to their passengers...

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your
service.
I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to
be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the
westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering
from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll
let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any. '

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is
that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great
time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between
Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our
destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a
security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for
the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some
time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street .. As you can see,
Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually
told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about
things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me. '

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna,
ladies and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (...pause). 'Oh
go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going
home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with
'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate
instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means
that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in
the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the
second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (...pause).
Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (...pause). 'This is a
personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the
rear of the train: Put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bl**dy
golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up
your a**e sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking
allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a
joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.

The spoon:

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organisation.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Translation and Advertising

- Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

- The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

- An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

- Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

- Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

- The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

- When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you."The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"

Weather forecast

Apologies to Muslims, but I thought this rather cute ...

Holidays in Aussie - why I don't live there!