Saturday, January 31, 2009

Two wishes


A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Hate airline food???


If you thought airline food was bad before, wait until you read this.



http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/editors_corner/article/11975/

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Two Large Plastic Garbage Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? "You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.

"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Importance of Walking

Walking 20 minutes can add to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
--

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60..
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
--


I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
--


The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
--


I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
--


I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
--


Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
--


I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.
--

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
--


If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
--

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
--

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
--

AND

Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
--

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!

Visitor numbers up!

The U.S. Department of Commerce announced that 43 million international visitors traveled to the United States during the first ten months of 2008, an increase of seven percent over the same period in 2007. In October 2008, total visitation was 4 million, down two percent when compared to October 2007.

The U.S. Department of Commerce announced that 43 million international visitors traveled to the United States during the first ten months of 2008, an increase of seven percent over the same period in 2007. In October 2008, total visitation was 4 million, down two percent when compared to October 2007.

International visitors spent $120.3 billion from January through October 2008, an increase of 21 percent over the first ten months of 2007. In October 2008, visitors spent $11.9 billion, an increase of seven percent over October 2007.

Auckland puts on a show this Summer

Auckland, New Zealand, is building its reputation as a premier destination, with a number of international performers and high profile events taking centre stage in the ‘City of Sails’ this summer.

The Louis Vuitton Pacific Series yacht regatta kicks off the summer of events on January 30. The two week event will feature teams from around the globe, including Emirates Team New Zealand, BMW Oracle USA and Luna Rossa Italy. The regatta will be close to the shore for great spectator viewing, with match racing daily and the top challenger racing off against Team New Zealand in the finals on February 13 and 14.

The Auckland waterfront, particularly the Viaduct Basin, will be the hub of activity throughout the Louis Vuitton Pacific Series. Boasting an array of luxury apartments, trendy bars and world class restaurants and cafes, the viaduct offers the perfect platform for spectators to relax and enjoy the action on the water.

For those wishing to venture beyond the harbour, the city centre and greater Auckland will be a buzz with a variety of festivals and events. Highlights include The Auckland Seafood Festival (24-26 Jan), Headland Sculpture on the Gulf on Waiheke Island (Jan 23- Feb 15) and The Auckland Festival (5 -22 March).

Auckland will also be a hot spot for international music artists that are in town to perform throughout summer. Coldplay frontman Chris Martin recently announced the band will be taking their Viva La Vida tour to Auckland in March for a series of special gigs.

Eric Clapton, Kings of Leon and Fall Out Boy are other famous faces set to take centre stage at Vector Arena, near the Viaduct, during March.

The 2002 America’s Cup in Auckland saw the significant development of the city and since then Auckland has continued to develop to attract a new calibre of international events.

Qantas commences A380 services to Singapore and the UK

Qantas will extend its A380 network to Singapore and the United Kingdom with its inaugural A380 service between Sydney and London.

Executive General Manager, Mr John Borghetti, said the airline would initially pperate three A380 services each week on the Kangaroo Route.

QF31 will operate from Sydney to London via Singapore on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, with the return QF32 operating on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, also via Singapore.

The Qantas A380 is configured with 450 seats across four classes:
�� First class – 14 luxurious and spacious suites
�� Business class – 72 new fully-flat Skybed sleeper seats
�� Premium Economy class – 32 extra wide seats with greater recline and legroom; and
�� Economy class – 332 state-of-the-art seats styled by Marc Newson and manufactured by Recaro.

French Country Houses - Special Early Bird Offers Extended


A Resounding "Mais Oui!" to Houses in France

If you've always dreamed of a house in rural France but never thought you could afford it, Latitude Vacations is offering a range of holiday houses in France from AUD$4289* per person.

Unbeatable deals for self-catered accommodation in the sunny southern regions of Provence and
Languedoc-Roussillion range from a 15th Century Merchant’s house to new villas with swimming pools. Many have magnificent views over the rugged hills and vineyards of southern France and are just a short stroll from village boulangeries, cafés and shops – and the odd game or two of boules! The convenience of a rental car also means visitors can explore the surroundings, from Mediterranean beaches to Roman remains and medieval walled towns.

The Provence region barely needs an introduction, famed for its Côte d'Azur seaside resorts and for its magnificent countryside covered in olive, orange and lavender groves. With its superb climate, rich history, local celebrations and festivals it is one of France's most attractive regions. What is less known is that the Alps are just a two-hour drive away, offering a range of skiing and other winter sports.
One example of a rental house in the region is Chez Bardi which sleeps six in three bedrooms and is situated in gated grounds in Plan d’Orgon. The restored stone barn is characteristically Provencale— ideal for outdoor summer living and just 4 km from picturesque Cavaillon, The Languedoc-Roussillon region lies along the Mediterranean coast between the Rhône and the Pyrenees and includes the well-known towns of Montpellier, Toulouse, Nîmes and medieval Carcassonne. Its rugged hills are streaked with lavender and vineyards, the food is hearty with regional specialities influenced by both France and Spain and, beneath the towers of ancient abbeys and castles, streets bustle with weekend and covered markets. It is also renowned for its wild horses and the flamingoes of the Camargue marshes.

Examples of rental properties here include Villa Chez Roger, which sleeps six in three bedrooms and has tranquil views from its terrace and pool over the wine-producing village of Cabrières, just thirty-minutes' drive from Mediterranean beaches. Ideal for two only, Les Amandiers is a one-bedroom villa apartment with shared pool, just a short stroll from a quaint little village and only 2 km from the bustling market town of Clermont I'Herault.

The package includes return economy class airfares including taxes with Singapore Airlines to Paris X/Australia, connections on Air France to Montpellier, plus 2 weeks car hire (Renault Megane Station Wagon or similar) and 2 weeks stay in the 15th Century Merchant’s House. All houses are well equipped for holiday stays. Bed linen, bath and hand towels are provided; all properties have irons and washing machines.* Price is based on 4 people sharing Latitude Vacations also offers Sail and Stay packages from AUD$4523 per person. Includes 1 week sailing the French Riverera onboard a Beneteau Oceanis 43’ on a “bareboat charter” basis plus 1 week staying in a French Country Villa in Cabrieres in the Languedoc Region of the South of France. The package includes return airfares and taxes flying Singapore Airlines to Paris and Air France to Nice x/Australia, 4 people sharing a 3 cabin / 2 bathroom Beneteau Oceanis 43’, 1 week car rental (Renault Megane Station wagon or similar) and 4 people sharing a 3 bedroom/ 2 bathroom Villa. A skipper is available for the yacht at an additional AUD$505 per person.

Latitude Vacations can also offer First and Business class packages if required.

A Four Day Celebration of Fabulous Food, Wine and Produce!

Taste of Auckland is a celebration of the best cuisine that the city and the surrounding areas have to offer. Taking place over four days, a selection of the City’s finest restaurants will offer three of their signature dishes in sample size portions, in a festival atmosphere for visitors to enjoy.

The Taste of Auckland Restaurants involved:
Clooney Des Harris
Dine by Peter Gordon Ben Mills
DineAid Mark Gregory
Euro Simon Gault
Harbourside Phill Spathis & Lou Anderson
Jervois Simon Gault
Logan Brown Steve Logan
Mudbrick Andreas Lindberg
Monsoon Poon Sanjeev Kumar
Prego- Roberta Schmulian & Lennox Bull
Q Bar & Restaurant Murray Wiblin
Rocco Sarah Conway
The French Café Simon Wright
Vinnies Geoff Scott
The Grove Sid Sahrawat

In 2009 the Taste Festivals will showcase in over 20 Cities. Including the launch of Auckland, Brussels, Amsterdam, Sydney, Bilbao and Moscow.

Other Attractions at Taste of Auckland include:

The Fisher & Paykel Chef’s Kitchen:
With an assortment of Auckland’s best chefs and critics on show, the Chefs Kitchen will be an opportunity for you to educate your palate. Attend a session and see how your favourite chefs work their magic. You will have the rare opportunity to be educated and inspired by Auckland’s top chefs in action.

Taste Magazine Chefs Table:
Your chance to get up close and personal with one of the chefs featuring in the four day festival, over a superb glass of wine. Join Taste Editor Suzanne Dale at our chefs table and have your questions answered by those who have a wealth of culinary knowledge and expereince.

Arano Local Producers Market:
A Selection of New Zealand’s best speciality food and beverage producers. Our celebration of small New Zealand businesses.

Specialty food and wine stalls:
Over 50 carefully selected top end boutique food and drink suppliers offering a fabulous opportunity to sample and buy authentic local produce that looks unbelievably fresh and tastes delectable.

Examples of some of the Producers and Exhibitors at Taste of Auckland Include:
Sous Chef
Zest Sorbet
Nuts About nz
Arano Juice
Eurodeli/Mutti
Hi IQ
Matakana Smokehouse
Wild Appetite
The Neat Meat Company
Wells Grove Estate Ltd
Savour the Taste
Simunovich Olive Estate
Smoke and Spice
Stoneware Cookware
Prenzel
Paul Holmes Olive Oil
Fishmart
Whitestone Cheese
Lemon Z
Aceto Vinegar
St Andrews Limes
Pine Cottage
Mustard Makers
Colchis Ltd
Gourmet Direct
Avocado Oil New Zealand
Hallertau Brewery
Aotearoa Brewery

Taste Masterclasses:
This is an opportunity where visitors gain knowledge of the country’s finest wines by sampling them first hand. Whether visitors are new at wine tasting or if they are a would-be sommelier, this is a great opportunity for them to polish their palates with our wine expert Bob Campbell and other guest, wine makers and sommeliers.

Whisky Academy:
A festive feature that celebrates the best in nothing but the finest Whisky

Specialty Beer Master Class:
Speciality beer master classes with food matching have proven to be a huge success at previous Taste Festivals so Aucklander’s are in for a treat as our talented brew masters will guide them through a tasting of craft beers, matching them with some seriously delicious food.

Taste of Auckland Currency:
Crowns are the currency used at Taste of Auckland to purchase dishes and drinks from the restaurants. Crowns may also be used to purchase food and drink from the exhibiting producers at the event. The restaurants ONLY accept Crowns as payment and a limited number of exhibitors accept cash and Eftpos.

1 Crown = $1 Crowns can be purchased at the event as well.

Sample size signature dishes from the restaurants will be priced at 8 – 14 Crowns each. Drinks will be available at bar prices.

Crowns can be purchased onsite at the event at Crown Banks, Crown Sellers and the Ticketek Booth or online at www.ticketek.co.nz prior to the event.
Visitors can buy Crowns in advance with a Premium or VIP ticket Package (each package includes a book of 30 Crowns).

Visitors can purchase an entry only ticket and purchase Crowns at the event from numerous locations.


Session Times:

Session1 Session 2

Thursday 19th March
5.30-9.30pm

Friday 20th March Friday 20th March
12:00 - 4:00pm 5.30-9.30pm

Saturday 21st March Saturday 21st March
12.00 - 4:00pm 5.30-9.30pm

Sunday 22nd March
12:00 – 5:00pm


Ticket Prices:

Standard Ticket- $25 pre purchase, $30 at the gate

Premium Ticket- $50 includes $30 worth of crowns plus entry)
(Must be purchased in advance)

VIP Ticket $85- Includes $30 worth of Crowns, VIP entry to the event & access to the VIP Lounge including complimentary glass of bubbles at the VIP bar, live music and exclusive seating areas and private amenities.

Child (6-14yrs)-$15 - Entry only


Ticket Purchases:

Tickets for any of the days of Taste of Auckland can be purchased online following the Link on the Taste of Auckland Website at www.tasteofauckland.co.nz or by visiting Ticketek NZ at www.ticketek.co.nz.


Venue: Ellerslie Racecourse, Greenlane, Auckland

Taste of Auckland will be held in the Infield section of Auckland fantastic Ellerslie Racecourse in Greenlane. There will be plenty of free parking for all visitors with a pre-purchased ticket.

Can't Think Straight?

New international research shows that low-carbohydrate diets may impair cognitive performance, following a study comparing an Atkins-type diet with a reduced calorie regime.

The study, by Tufts University, Massachusetts, United States, clearly shows that dieters don’t perform as well on cognitive tests (i.e. mental function tests that deal with thinking, learning and problem solving) when carbohydrates are restricted. With reduced cognitive function, people are likely to find it difficult to concentrate, reason and problem solve, all of which can lead to poor judgement and poor decisions.

Trish Griffiths, Accredited Practising Dietitian and Executive Manager of Go Grains Health & Nutrition comments, “One of the most popular diet myths of recent times is that grain-based foods such as bread, rice and pasta, and the carbohydrates they contain, provide excess energy to the body and are therefore fattening. Scientific evidence has found the complete opposite is true, that a regular intake of wholegrain foods is linked with healthy weight management. Those most successful at maintaining weight loss follow a low fat, high carbohydrate diet.”

Ms Griffiths continues, “The overwhelming evidence for the benefit of grain-based foods in the diet, coupled with this latest research, dispels the myth that a low carb diet is an ‘easy option’ for quick results.”

The brain needs glucose for energy (produced from the breakdown of carbohydrates) and diets low in carbohydrates were found to be detrimental to learning, memory, thinking and overall mood. The research suggests that restricting carbohydrates reduces the amount of energy available to the brain, thereby adversely affecting our cognitive ability.

The research findings also show that cognitive impairment improved when carbohydrates were included in meals, with data suggesting that diets can affect more than just weight.

The lower GI values of diets high in most wholegrain foods and legumes is also an important factor in weight control, as they provide a slow and sustained release of energy creating a feeling of fullness.

“There is no quick fix solution to weight loss. The best way to lose weight is to eat less and be more physically active. It is also important to remember that in addition to helping to maintain a healthy body weight, grain-based foods are an excellent source of carbohydrate plus dietary fibre and protein, and are a good source of many B-group vitamins, vitamin E, and a number of minerals – especially iron, zinc, magnesium and phosphorous.” Ms Griffiths said.

Go Grains Health & Nutrition encourages all Australians (aged 4 years and over) to enjoy four or more daily serves of grain-based foods (preferably wholegrain) as part of a healthy, balanced diet, and make physical activity a regular part of daily life.

To find out more about the benefits of grain-based foods and health, visit the Go Grains website at www.gograins.com.au or call the Go Grains 4+ Info Line: 1300 GRAINS (1300 472 467).

Toast NZ in a Glass in 2009

This coming February, don’t miss the chance to taste the best Kiwi sauvignon blanc, pinot noir, riesling and many other varieties at “NZ in a Glass” - the largest showing of New Zealand wine to be held in Australia.

More than 85 top producers will showcase more than 440 wines at the events, staged in Melbourne (23 February), Sydney (26 February) and Brisbane (1 March).

This is a rare opportunity to sample wines from all over New Zealand, including leading labels from Central Otago, Canterbury, Marlborough, Nelson, Wairarapa (including Martinborough), Hawke’s Bay, Gisborne, Waiheke Island, Auckland and more.

The events are open to trade and consumer audiences, with the trade session running from 12 – 5pm and the consumer session from 6.30 – 9pm. All 400+ wines are on tasting for consumers, providing a formidable array of New Zealand wines to discover.

Winery representatives will be on hand to answer questions and a comprehensive catalogue will be available to guide guests through the vast array of premium New Zealand producers. A complimentary Spiegelau wine glass will also be given to each guest to take home after the event.

One of Australia’s most popular trade and consumer events, NZ in a Glass has sold out in all states in previous years (last year’s Sydney event sold out in two days) so those interested are encouraged to book early to avoid disappointment.

All trade attendees must register at nzwineevents.com.au. Entry is free for approved trade.
General admission tickets are AUD$35 (includes booking fee) and can be purchased through Ticketmaster from Jan 23 2009.

When: Monday 23 February, Melbourne; Thursday 26 February, Sydney; Sunday 1 March, Brisbane.

Where: Grand Hyatt, Melbourne; The Westin Hotel, Sydney; Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre, Brisbane.

Times: Trade session: 12 – 5pm in all states. Consumer session: 6.30pm – 9.00pm in all states

Website: nzwineevents.com.au

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Body part thieves

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick.
The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

P. S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

These same thieves come in my closet and shrank my clothes! How do they do it????

Good financial planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was goingto inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a
few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Maharishi Phucknuckel's Guide to Zen

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.

---------------------

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre

---------------------

The darkest hours come before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it

---------------------

Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

---------------------

Don't inspire to be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted

---------------------

Remember, no one is listening until you fart

---------------------

Never forget that you are unique - like everyone else

---------------------

Never test the depth of water with both feet

---------------------

If you think nobody cares if you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortage payments

---------------------

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and have their shoes

---------------------

If at first you don't succeed - avoid skydiving!

---------------------

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day

---------------------

Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it

---------------------

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything

---------------------

Some days we are the flies - some days we are the windscreen

---------------------

Don't worry .. it only seems kinky the first time!

---------------------

Good judgement comes from experience. Experiences come from bad judgements

---------------------

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket

---------------------

A closed mouth gathers no feet

---------------------

There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works

---------------------

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving

---------------------

Never miss a good chance to shut up

---------------------

Experience is something you don't get until after you need it

---------------------

When we are born we are wet, naked, hungry and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

---------------------

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed

---------------------

REMEMBER NOT TO FORGET THAT WHICH YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW

Great George Bush quotes...

The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.

The future will be better tomorrow.

We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.

Public speaking is very easy.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

For NASA, space is still a high priority.

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

A short love story ....

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,   found them assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.  

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying ... 'Ma'am,

I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  

I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight ... letʼs pretend that we're married.'

'Wow...  That's a great idea!ʼ he exclaimed.  

'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f**king blanket.'

After a moment of silence ...he farted.

The End

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Car of the future? (2)


Detroit 2009: World Premiere Of The Concept BlueSport
Volkswagen celebrates comeback of the compact roadster

Wolfsburg/ Detroit, 11 January 2009 - Maximum driving fun with minimal fuel consumption: This is the standard by which Volkswagen is starting the new car year 2009 and is presenting the roadster Concept BlueSport at the North American International Auto Show. “The BlueSport proves to be a compact and passionate car with a clear Volkswagen signature. The car offers pure dynamics with a powerful 180 PS Clean Diesel engine that is combined with the characteristic Volkswagen philosophy of efficiency,” confirmed Volkswagen’s Chairman of the Board, Prof. Martin Winterkorn in Detroit.

The Concept BlueSport is making its appearance at the car show in Detroit with a Flex Silver exterior and orange fabric convertible top. "It is the symbiosis of outstanding technology and timeless Volkswagen design that makes this car an exceptional sports car. Its styling is clear and is reduced to the essentials; the car body itself has a lean and linear structure", explains Volkswagen chief designer Walter de Silva. The interior shows finesse in details and conveys a high level of technological fascination. Immediately visible to the eye is the intuitive and easy to operate touchscreen. Perfectly adapted to the interior are the leather upholstered seats in lightweight construction with their single-piece seatbacks.

Behind the two sport seats of the 3.99 meter long Concept BlueSport, a 132 kW / 180 PS strong Clean Diesel (TDI) with common rail injection and downstream NOx storage catalytic converter delivers dynamic performance. A 6-speed DSG dual clutch transmission – the most economical and agile transmission system in the world – transfers power to the rear wheels. In just 6.6 seconds the sports car is moving at 100 km/h; its top speed is 226 km/h. Also having a positive impact on the car’s low fuel consumption of just 4.3 l/100 km and reduced emissions are two technologies that are part of the so-called Eco mode: an automatic start-stop system and energy regeneration. Together they propel the Concept BlueSport to an additional fuel savings of up to 0.2 liter per 100 kilometers in city driving.

Car of the future? (1)


Honda Insight Makes World Debut At Detroit
The all-new 2009 Honda Insight - a more affordable petrol-electric hybrid car - made its world debut today at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit.

The Insight is powered by a more cost-efficient version of Honda’s Integrated Motor Assist (IMA) hybrid technology, with fuel economy of 64.2mpg (combined) and CO2 emissions of just 101g/km (SE models).

Commenting on the debut of the Insight, Ken Keir, Managing Director of Honda (UK) said: “Honda has been selling hybrids for almost a decade, but this is the first time that our technology has been available in a five-seat, five door car at an affordable price. The Insight combines our award winning IMA hybrid system with an easy to use driver aid (Eco Assist) to help our customers maximise their real world fuel economy. By combining an electric motor with a highly efficient petrol engine, the Insight offers drivers not only low CO2 emissions, but also very low emissions of other greenhouse gasses like N2O.”

Aero Athlete
The five-door hatchback design takes styling cues as well as the aerodynamically efficient profile from the FCX Clarity, Honda’s hydrogen fuel cell car. To compliment the sleek profile the Insight has been designed with a low center of gravity and a spacious five-passenger cabin, giving customers a balance of fine handling and a highly flexible interior.

Eco Assist
In order to help Insight owners enjoy the full benefits of Honda hybrid technology, the Insight will feature a new interactive, fuel economy enhancement technology, named the Ecological Drive Assist System (Eco Assist). Eco Assist combines multiple functions:

• a driver-activated ECON mode that optimises control of the continuously variable transmission, engine and related powertrain components to conserve fuel;
• a driver feedback function that uses speedometer background colour that can provide real-time guidance on achieving higher fuel efficiency; and
• a fuel economy scoring function that provides feedback about current driving efficiency, as well as feedback on cumulative, long-term driving style.

Interior
Other standard equipment on all new Insights includes 60/40 split and fold-down rear seatback, two-tier digital instrument panel, automatic climate control, front and rear electric windows, Vehicle Stability Assist (VSA), a tilt and telescopic steering wheel, and a MP3 compatible audio system with auxiliary audio input jack.

High specification Insight models add cruise control, 6-speaker audio system with USB audio interface, steering-wheel mounted paddle shifters and Honda Satellite Navigation System with Voice Recognition.

IMA Hybrid System
All Insights are powered by an advanced 1.3-litre SOHC aluminium-alloy i-VTEC engine mated to a Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT) gearbox.
The conventional engine is assisted by a new generation of Honda’s Integrated Motor Assist (IMA) hybrid system for excellent fuel economy and low emissions.

The Insight’s IMA system incorporates a 14 PS electric motor, advanced battery pack, and compact Intelligent Power Unit (IPU) – recapturing kinetic energy from vehicle braking and deceleration and supplying additional power for acceleration when needed. Packaging of the ultra-compact IMA battery and IPU in the vehicle’s rear floor allows the enhanced utility of a 60/40 split and fold-down rear seat back.

The IMA system has the capability to operate exclusively on electric power in certain low- to-mid-speed driving conditions. It also provides for cylinder deactivation within the petrol engine during deceleration and shutoff when the vehicle is stopped.

Safety
Key safety features are Advanced Compatibility Engineering (ACE), which provides improved protection for vehicle occupants and helps mitigate damage to other vehicles; six airbags including driver, passenger, side and curtain units; and a pedestrian-injury mitigation front body design.

A hybrid future
Honda is a leader in developing cleaner, more fuel-efficient vehicle technologies, including the original Honda Insight, introduced in 1999 as the first commercially produced petrol-electric hybrid car in Europe and the US. Honda has announced plans to increase its global hybrid sales to over 500,000 units annually with the Insight being followed by a car based on the CR-Z concept and a hybrid version of the Jazz.

Honda is also a pioneer in the development of advanced alternatives to fossil fuels, including the zero-emissions, hydrogen-powered Honda FCX Clarity fuel cell car, the world’s most advanced production car.

Miracle on the Hudson - update from Dennis Conner's North Cove

January 17, 2009

NY Governor Paterson was correct, it was a miracle. And when you think of all that might have happened, and how it did in fact play out, all we can do is give thanks.

By now, everyone across the country has heard the story of the airplane filled with passengers which had to make an emergency landing in the Hudson River. And everyone learned with relief that all passengers and crew survived.

The plane floated down the Hudson River and came to a rest along the Battery Park City seawall, just a few hundred yards north of Dennis Conner's North Cove.

Apart from our anxiety while the plane evacuation took place and the subsequent deluge of rescue personnel and craft, Dennis Conner's North Cove was not affected. The marina stays open for it's winter customers. And we will reopen on a full time basis in the spring as normal.

Apart from that, all we can report to you is "Wow."

When you live in New York City, you are accustomed to excitement. If you stand around North Cove on a beautiful summer day, you are likely to see super models, movie stars and business moguls walk by. There is always energy in the city and the next greatest thing is just about to happen around the corner.

But this "Miracle on the Hudson" ranks right up there with all of the great stories and things we have lived through.

It will be interesting to see whether this positive and buoyant news story is a milestone and subtly helps to turn the mood of our city around. The past year has been difficult for the financial and other industries. We've been in a downward PR cycle. It bottomed just before Thanksgiving and then the good feelings of the holidays brought some stability and a slight rebound.

Recently, a cold and extremely frigid Canadian air mass descended on our city. With it, the markets began to sink again. Then a miracle. And on one of the coldest days of the year, regular people like you and me who just happened to be flying on this specific flight, stepped out of their plane and onto the wings, where the icy river lapped at their feet. And from there, they boarded nearby boats and were taken to the safety of Manhattan Island. A complete miracle. And one of the greatest stories of the year, with heroes, success and a tremendously positive ending. The next day, the markets rose.

And if there is one wish we all have for our city, it is for the PR cycle of this miracle to continue as long as possible. There will be a tomorrow and a next year. The sun will continue to rise every morning. Sure it might be different, but when tomorrow comes, we should be glad to be part of it. There are many more things to be positive and happy about than there are negative. This miracle is a message to us all.

Once all the passengers were rescued safely and everyone let out a big sigh of relief, the humor kicked in. The humor used to start on the floor of the NYSE where brokers manned phones and communicated. But in today's world, the it can begin in any place and spread by Internet. The conjectures flew about whether maritime salvage laws applied and who was first to secure a line to the plane. In England, if a whale comes ashore, it belongs to the Queen. Who would a plane in NYC belong to? And what would have happened if it floated just a bit further south and came to rest across the entrance of North Cove or somehow got inside the marina? Would we have a fiduciary responsibility to charge by the nose cone, the foot, the wing or some other variable? Or would we just be part of a great media whirlwind which has been reflecting very positively on our city and all the people who prepare for emergencies.

Somewhere along the way, a prankster went to the North Cove website and submitted a mega yacht reservation for the plane, providing all the correct details of length, breadth, etc. They must have gotten the information from a news report.

So all-in-all, there is no lack of excitement in New York City. We can now add miracles to the things that have happened off Dennis Conner's North Cove.

We are far too PC

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks some of us took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a Ute on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Red Rooster.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Fruit Tingles and some fire crackers to blow up frogs and lizards with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubby houses and played in creek beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no videogames at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape or DVD movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time.......no really!

We were given BB guns and sling shots for our 10th birthdays.

We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the atomic testing at Maralinga in 1956.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

Footy had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather straps and bully's always ruled the playground at school.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade'.....

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Chicken recipe- WARNING - DO NOT TRY THIS IN MUM'S KITCHEN!!

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who are just not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

1 2kg chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup of uncooked popcorn
Salt & pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 220c.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

A Woman's Achievements

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Emirates Rewards for Businesses

Emirates Business Rewards is an innovative loyalty programme that earns your organisation Business Rewards Miles on every Emirates flight. Created for small and medium-sized businesses, it’s now available in 54 countries and offers earning opportunities worldwide.

Earn 50% more Miles on every Emirates flight taken between 1st January and 31st March 2009. So instead of earning 2 Business Rewards Miles for each US$ spent, your organisation will receive 3. What’s more, your travellers will continue to earn Skywards Miles.

You can use Business Rewards Miles for award flights for any member of your staff.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

MILFORD SOUND

Rudyard Kipling described it as the "eighth wonder of the world" and now Milford Sound is in the running to become one of the New7Wonders of Nature.

Milford Sound has been selected as New Zealand’s representative, alongside 261 other nominees, in the global search for the modern-day wonders.

Go online and show your support - vote for Milford Sound and help New Zealand secure a place among the finalists!

A mini for next to nothing?? only if you live in the UK!

Penny auction supersite www.MadBid.com is auctioning off a brand new Mini on Wednesday and expect it to be bought for less than £10.

Worth more than £12,000, the last Mini auctioned on the site was snapped up for the crazy price of £6.83.

MadBid, the UK’s first and leading penny auction website, starts the bidding at zero and players see it go up by a penny at a time. It’s simple and fun.

The Mini auction goes live at 13:00 on Wednesday 14th January and as all new MadBid users receive three free bids upon registration, everyone is in with a chance of winning big.

One of the most important motor cars in the world emerges from its secret hideaway for the first time in 50 years.



The 1937 Bugatti Type 57S originally owned by Earl Howe, whose existence has only been known to a handful of people during the last 50 years will be sold at Bonhams’ Retromobile sale in Paris on 7 February 2009. This highly significant motor car is estimated at €2.75 – 4 million.

The Bugatti with Atalante coachwork retains all the attributes that will ensure its appeal to the world’s most discerning collectors. It has a spectacular provenance having been owned by Earl Howe, Lord Ridley, Harold Carr and others; it has a continuous and chronicled history; and it has exceptional originality retaining original chassis, engine, drivetrain and body. It even has what appears to be a remarkably low mileage with an odometer reading of just 26,284.

James Knight, International Head of Bonhams' motoring department said: "I have known of this Bugatti for a number of years and, like a select group of others, hadn’t dared divulge its whereabouts to anyone. It is absolutely one of the last great barn discoveries, and we at Bonhams are honoured to have been selected to handle its sale.”

Bugatti Type 57S, chassis no. 57502, was completed at the Bugatti works on 5 May, 1937 sporting two-seat Atalante coupe coachwork. It was ordered new by no less than the motor sport great – and the BRDC’s (British Racing Driver’s Club) first President - Earl Howe via UK Bugatti agents, Sorel of London. Howe had a long association with Ettore Bugatti and his machines, and developed a close friendship with Ettore and his son Jean, having raced their Grand Prix motor cars.

Earl Howe took delivery of 57502 on the 9 June 1937 and was to retain his Bugatti for over eight years. He added a personal touch by fitting his own bumpers, rear-view mirrors on the A-pillars and a luggage rack, which it still retains to this day. It was to become his personal companion, escorting him to Brooklands and other race meetings. The car would have seen relatively little use during the Second World War as Earl Howe served with the Royal Navy Volunteer Reserve.

After hostilities ceased, the T57S was sold via Continental Cars to a Mr J P Tingay in 1947. It was Tingay who effectively brought the car to ‘SC’ specification by fitting a Marshall K200 supercharger – as finding an original Bugatti blower proved nigh on impossible so soon after the War.

Mr M H Ferguson acquired the Bugatti from Tingay in 1950 and by 1954 it formed part of Lord Ridley’s collection. Dr Harold Carr then acquired it in 1955 from Lord Ridley. Dr Carr drove the car for the first few years but in the early 1960s it was parked in his garage where it remained for nearly 50 years, until Dr Carr’s death in 2007. The T57S is being sold on behalf of the family of Dr Carr, and will be offered with an extensive file of correspondence documenting its fascinating history.

James Knight said: “The Atalante is incredibly original and, although she requires restoration, it is “restoration” in the true sense of the word. From my perspective, save for some of the interior, all original parts can be restored or conserved in order to maintain originality. It offers a truly rewarding project to the new owner - who will join a select list of distinguished owners – to play such an integral part in bringing this wonderful motor car back to life. It has all the finest attributes any connoisseur collector could ever seek in one of the ultimate road-going sports cars from the golden era of the 1930s."

Bangkok Airways announces its reduced fuel surcharge rates for 2009

Bangkok Airways (PG) today (January 9) reduces its current fuel surcharge tariff on its international and domestic flights according to the current world’s oil price and to boost the tourism’s state.



The charge for international flights between Thailand and Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Vietnam is reduced to USD15 per sector (from USD25). Flight from Bangkok to Macau is reduced to USD25 per sector (from USD30), from Bangkok to Xi’an is reduced to USD45 per sector (from USD60), from Bangkok to Guilin is reduced to USD30 per sector (from USD40), from Samui to Singapore is reduced to USD25 (form USD45), from Samui to Hong Kong is reduced to USD32 per sector (from USD60), from Bangkok to Maldives is reduced to USD45 (from USD90) per sector and from Bangkok to Japan is reduced to USD45 (from USD95) per sector. And the charge for domestic flights between Bangkok and Sukhothai, Chiang Mai, Phuket, Samui, and between Pattaya (Utapao) and Phuket, Samui, and between Chiang Mai and Samui is reduced to USD12 per sector (from USD20).



Also effective on January 9, the fuel surcharge for domestic sector for flights between Phnom Penh-Siem Reap is reduced to USD12 per sector (from USD20).

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Queenstown resort voted one of the world’s best hotels

Queenstown’s five-star Millbrook Resort has been named among the world’s best 500 hotels for 2009 by prestigious international magazine Travel & Leisure.



Millbrook is one of only five New Zealand properties to be included in the magazine’s sixth annual ‘500 best hotels’ list. Other New Zealand hotels named are Rotorua’s Treetops Lodge, Taupo’s Huka Lodge, Auckland’s new Hyatt Regency and The George in Christchurch.



Travel & Leisure's global team of reporters and editors culled the 500 highest-rated hotels from its World's Best survey and identified what makes each of them special.



Millbrook Sales & Marketing Manager Sarah Stacey believes that Millbrook’s charm and uniqueness comes from the experience of staying on a five star 500-acre rural property that is conveniently close to the excitement of Queenstown and world-renowned ski fields.



“People come here to ‘experience’ Millbrook – the welcoming, relaxed and unique feel, stunning scenery, world-class golf course and spa facilities, superior range of onsite activities, friendly service, and the sense of history which reflects the unique character of the region. Guests can choose to be as active or relaxed as they like because every need is catered for.



“Another plus for both our guests and country club members is the diverse range of visitors to the resort and the chance to meet ‘real locals’ here. Locals are welcome to come and use the facilities at Millbrook either to play a round of golf, use the health and fitness centre or have lunch or dinner at one of our award-winning restaurants.”



Only a month ago, Millbrook was voted third best overseas golf resort by Australian magazine Luxury Travel and Style, behind the likes of Scotland’s legendary St Andrews Links and New Zealand’s Kauri Cliffs. Tens of thousands of magazine subscribers and clients of Virtuoso, the world’s most exclusive travel agents, completed the survey

That end of year feeling

Slow Down

Jack took a long look at his speedometer
before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone.
Fourth time in as many months.
How could a guy get caught so often?






When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour,
Jack pulled over, but only partially.
Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard.
Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car,
the big pad in hand.





Bob? Bob from Church?
Jack sunk farther into his trench coat.
This was worse than the coming ticket.
A cop catching a guy from his own church.
A guy who happened to be a little eager
to get home after a long day at the office.
A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow



Jumping out of the car,
he approached a man he saw every Sunday,
a man he'd never seen in uniform.




'Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this.'






'Hello, Jack.' No smile.






'Guess you caught me red-handed
in a rush to see my wife and kids.'





'Yeah, I guess.' Bob seemed uncertain.
Good.




'I've seen some long days at the office lately.
I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit -just this once.'




Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.
'Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight
Know what I mean?'


'I know what you mean.
I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct .'
Ouch.
This was not going in the right direction.
Time to change tactics.





'What'd you clock me at?'




'Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?'




'Now wait a minute here, Bob.
I checked as soon as I saw you.
I was barely nudging 65.'
The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket




'Please, Jack, in the car'





Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard.
He was in no rush to open the window.




The minutes ticked by.
Bob scribbled away on the pad.


Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?



Whatever the reason,
it would be a month of Sundays
before Jack ever sat near this cop again.




A tap on the door jerked his head to the left
There was Bob, a folded paper in hand
Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches,
just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.




'Thanks.'
Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.






Bob returned to his police car without a word.
Jack watched his retreat in the mirror.
Jack unfolded the sheet of paper.
How much was this one going to cost?






Wait a minute.
What was this? Some kind of joke?






Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:





'Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter.
She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver.
A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free.
Free to hug his daughters, all three of them.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven
before I can ever hug her again.






A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man.
A thousand times I thought I had.
Maybe I did, but I need to do it again.
Even now.
Pray for me.
And be careful, Jack,
my son is all I have left.'




'Bob'





Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car
pull away and head down the road.
Jack watched until it disappeared.
A full 15 minutes later, he too,
pulled away and drove slowly home,
praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.



Life is precious.
Handle with care.
This is an important message;
please pass it along to your friends.
Drive safely and carefully.
Remember, cars are not the only things
recalled by their maker.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Auction Record Of £2.35m For Ferrari 121


A 1955 4.4litre Ferrari 121 LM Spyder Corsa, racing two seater, made the top price at Bonhams Gstaad Sale on December 20th, at CHF 3.9m (£2.35m), achieving a new auction record for this model.

The car in question. Lot 205, came from the late Antoine Midy Collection in France and was bought post sale by a fellow European car collector.

James Knight, Head of Bonhams International Motor Car Department said: “Although the car just failed to sell under the hammer at the Palace Hotel in Gstaad, the interest expressed pre-sale remained and we have had a happy outcome following the sale.”

Bonhams hosted their annual Ferrari and other prestigious Italian marques auction sale at the magnificent Palace Hotel in the Swiss ski resort of Gstaad where clients and collectors attended from all over the world.

In the packed saleroom (at full occupancy), collectors saw a lower than average sell though rate but for those motorcars that sold, healthy prices were achieved. The 1967 Ferrari 275GTB/4 Berlinetta at CHF1,000,000, (£696,060) 1933 Alfa Romeo 6C-1750 Cabriolet by Castagna at CHF398,000 (£241,248), 1965 Ferrari 275GTS Convertible at CHF623,168 (£377,677), and the 1961 Maserati 3500GT Vignale Convertible at CHF349,168 (£211,616) being notable highlights. Automobilia continued to surprise with Lot 58, original documents relating to the Le Mans GT winning Ferrari 250GTO selling for CHF11,500 (£6,969).

The dread of inlaws

Almost one third (29%) of drivers would drive up to 100 miles to avoid
staying with family and friends over Christmas according to an AA Populus poll of 7,388 members. Almost ten per cent of males (9%) specifically said that they would drive in order to avoid an overnight stay with their in-laws.

11% of respondents would even drive 100 miles or more to avoid staying with family or friends. Almost twice as many men (12%) would be prepared to drive more than 100 miles rather than stay over compared to women (7%).

Melbourne Food and Wine Festival 2009

Offering something for every level of epicurean enthusiast, taste and budget, Melbourne’s globally acclaimed celebration of food and wine attracts over 300,000 attendees each year. Events range from starlit alfresco dinners in the city’s iconic Laneways and Rooftops and unfathomably long lunch tables set in the most surprising places for World’s Longest Lunch, to a bustling riverside wine market at Cellar Door at Southgate and one of the most alluring line-ups of international and local chefs the world has ever seen at Langham Melbourne MasterClass. At the same time, regional Victoria beckons as the ideal destination for a short break with its own tantalising program of events.

Celebrate Australia’s culinary hero – the backyard barbecue – and at once its universal nature, when top chefs apply Australian and international flavours as they take the tongs at Connex Sizzle! Picture a grassy green lawn sprawling across Federation Square and expect sizzling barbecue cuisine – both on the main stage and at the new Global Char Grill BBQ Plaza – from the likes of Matt Wilkinson (Circa, the Prince), Paul Wilson (The Botanical), Shane Delia (Maha) and Teage Ezard (Ezard).

A Festival classic and ever a hot-ticket event, World’s Longest Lunch will this year stretch along the banks of the gorgeous Yarra River, while 1,200 guests enjoy an Italian-inspired feast of food and wine. Regional Victoria will come alive with its own convivial lunching crowds in over 20 locations as surprising as an iconic trestle bridge in Gippsland, some themed as whimsically as the circus in Daylesford.

Another sight you’d surely only see in Melbourne is the transformation of the city’s treasured Laneways and Rooftops – an integral part of the city’s history and culture – into restaurant dining rooms and parties under the stars, throughout the Festival period.

Alternatively, dine among other stars Jean-Paul Jeunet, Luisa Valazza, Alain Alders and Dieter Müller – to drop a few names – and indulge in a four-course Saturday evening of glamour and spectacle. Expect to be enchanted when Docklands’ Shed 4 morphs into a moonlit forest for this A Midsummer Night’s Dream-inspired Stars of Europe – The Dinner.

Or, indulge your depraved alter ego in a day of decadence at Wicked Sunday in Federation Square, where the temptation of all things extravagant beckons from the chocolate playground (a highlight being Meltdown!, Melbourne’s most exquisite pastry chefs, from The Press Club, Sweet Source and elsewhere, demonstrating their best chocolate dessert recipes), Oriental Teahouse, Middle Eastern Coffee House and other enticing spaces. Celebrate the coffee bean in myriad ways, or sample artisan cheeses, ice cream and boutique wines.

Without leaving the city, travel the best of Victoria’s wine country on foot in the charming surrounds of the Yarra riverbank at Cellar Door at Southgate. From the latest vintages, savour familiar drops, discover new favourites and stock cellars from 60 of the State’s boutique vineyards.

In 2009 Langham Melbourne MasterClass has a stellar cast of international chef talent hailing from traditionally recognised gastronomic quarters the UK, France and the US – including The Fat Duck’s Heston Blumenthal (UK), Le Châteaubriand’s Iñaki Aizpitarte (France) and The French Laundry’s Thomas Keller (US) – but also greats from quieter culinary giants Denmark (global top ten chef René Redzepi) and Germany (three Michelin-starred Dieter Müller). Be dazzled by these and other global luminaries when they join home-grown culinary icons including Frank Camorra (MoVida), Dan Hunter (Royal Mail), Shannon Bennett (Vue de monde) and Raymond Capaldi (Locarno at 150).

Taste the creations and learn the secrets of top chefs during these exclusive cooking demonstrations, or share in their food philosophies and ideas in an engaging new lecture and discussion-based MasterClass strand, Theatre of Ideas.

Has pinot noir grown up? What does the future hold for shiraz? Festival-goers will satisfy these and other vinous curiosities when The Global Wine Experience returns in 2009, uniting international winemakers and aficionados such as Michel Chapoutier (Rhône Valley) and Pierre and Sophie Larmandier (Champagne Larmandier-Bernier).

One room, three sessions, millions of great ideas. Victoria’s food and wine community will join for an afternoon of provocative and informative discussion about the future of food, restaurants and the media that cover them in The Global Trends. Barbara Fairchild, Editor-in-Chief of Bon Appétit, will deliver a keynote address, joined by other leading thinkers on the day.

For others looking to escape the urban grind, the Festival is the ideal time to plan a gastronomic getaway as Victoria’s regional locations come to life with a satiating program of almost 70 events. From intimate gatherings on the banks of the Murray River to wine celebrations held in the Yarra Valley, let the Festival help you plan your regional itinerary.

Wine lovers will delight in the Festival’s pickings of wine events, from Winemaker Dinners at Melbourne’s most wine-savvy restaurants (Roberto Anselmi at Circa, the Prince; Austria’s Bert Salomon at the Tea Room above The European; Martinborough region winemakers at Lamaro’s) to thought-provoking events such as James Dowdeswell sticks his nose in, a comedy act replete with wine tastings!

Visit www.melbournefoodandwine.com.au for program and booking details NOW!